Random Personal Life Ramblings

So, as the title suggests, this is not an entry about bookish things. This is an entry about some of the things going on in my life that I really just want to get out. Please feel free to skip.

If you couldn't tell from my profile picture, I am overweight. A good amount overweight and I have been for most of my life. I remember shopping in the juniors section when I was going into fifth grade, and I could barley fit into those clothes then. There was this pair of jeans that I loved in sixth grade that I probably shouldn't have been wearing as they were so tight. I believe they were a sixteen. You see where this is going.

I'm about to turn twenty-four in a week and I've never felt truly beautiful. I've never been on a date. I had a boyfriend for literally two days and he turned out to be a huge asshole. My friends constantly assure me that I'm gorgeous, adorable, pretty, etc but I mostly just don't believe them. I also have a lot of health problems. Acid reflux, poly-cystic ovaries, hypothyroidism, pseudo tumor ceribri (I know), and migraines. Along with those, I am also clinically depressed and have panic disorder. Quite a track record. Also, lots of doctor visits and medication. To be honest, a lot of these things would at least get better if I lost some weight. So that's what I'm trying to do.

Actually, what I'm trying to do is have the lap band surgery. It's a simple surgery, not very risky, where they put a silicone band around your stomach so that when you're eating, you get fuller faster. You can tighten or loosen the band through a port that doesn't show and makes it so you don't have to have surgery again. Of course, there are complications, but they're no where near as scary as those that can come with gastric bypass, another weight loss surgery. With Lap Band, they just put that band around your stomach. With gastric bypass, they cut out a piece of your stomach and also reroute your intestines. (Sorry for the ick factor.)

Anyway, right now, I'm kind of in this period where I'm waiting and dieting and exercising. I can't have the surgery until I've done six months of a lifestyle program. It's actually a pretty good thing, but when it comes to surgery, waiting around thinking about it can get kind of scary. I need to record what I eat and how I exercise for six months to show the insurance company that I can do it and that I'll keep up with healthy eating and exercise after the surgery. There are also little classes once a month and a weigh-in.

Last Thursday, I went to my first real class. I went to one a couple weeks ago, but it was really just to get the stuff and to talk to the people who would be helping me achieve goals. So, Thursday was the first time I had to hand in my food log and the first time I had to be weighed after actually trying to lose weight. I went in there hoping upon hope that I'd lost at least a pound. I would have been happy with a pound. When I stepped on the scale, knowing what it said the last time I'd been on, I was shocked.

Six pounds.

According to this scale, which was the same one I was on last time, I'd lost six pounds. I can't even begin to tell you how exciting it was to see that. I did a double take. I told the person weighing me that it was wrong. I screamed, "How could I have lost six pounds?" I was so happy.

If you're having trouble losing weight, look at what your eating. Read the nutritional facts. Pay attention to CALORIES. And serving sizes, because they can be waaaay less than what you think. I started eating way less calories and I lost weight. I'm not saying it's not hard (because it is. It's very, VERY hard), but if you stick to it, give yourself a small break once a week, you can do it too.

Six pounds. I still can't believe it.

If you're still reading this, thanks, and I can't believe you are.

Bookish things coming soon!

 Here, have an awesome Jenna Marbles video about diets.